The physical sorting through memories; pictures that make me laugh while crying.  That whisk me away to years and places long forgotten, but immediately known by my soul.  So much beautiful life…

 

Could it be that God knows the depths our pain reaches as we divide children’s baby pictures and school things; as we decide which greeting cards and ticket stubs should still be kept…or discarded.  Is it that he knows how our souls pour out over and again, as sentiments full of promises and secrets are read? Is that why He hates divorce so? The disassembling of life…

 

Documents were shredded, and boxes purchased.  More apartments to see tomorrow.  So God…will you whisper from the walls of unfamiliar rooms, “ this is the one.”  Or will logic and budget just fit most practically when we arrive there?

 

“ Mom is sorry that I am distracted and cranky…this is just very difficult for me.”  I explain to the girls as they check periodically to see if I am crying again and reassure me incessantly with their chubby little, “ love you’s” 

 

“ Mom, do we have to move?”  My oldest asked several times as we purchased more boxes to pack with.  “ Yes, we have to.” 

 

Driving through neighborhoods today, the analytical seven year old shared, “ mom, that homeless man is really lucky.”  My edgy, frustrated self wanted to snap back at her in scoff at her statement.  But gratefully, His Holy Spirit held me and forced instead the gentlest voice in response, “Honey…do you think that anyone who is homeless is lucky?”  She went on, “ No mom, but I’m saying that out of all the people who are homeless, he is lucky because he has shoes, and a blanket and pillow, and a box.”  I asked, “ So what you’re saying is that we can always find something to be grateful for.”  “ Yeah,” she answered.  I told her that was true, and that she was brilliant. 

 

As I cried myself into packing exhaustion…mourning over all the life I am shoving and squeezing into plastic tubs…it does not escape me that I too, am lucky for all that beautiful life I have now placed in boxes…